Reaching for the light.
Solstice , Christmas and New Years was particularly Abundant , Social and Sacred this past year. It is a whole tale in it self. Suffice to say that as usual we had our share of shared meals , treats, sweet and rich foods drinks and all.
Come January I found my self feeling greasy, gassy and kinda gross how ever sacred the times I experienced. I was urging to cleanse. Not quite ready to let go of time to contemplate and mull on ideas plans and visions that seem to swivel around and sometimes hurl towards me in the ether . Wooo! Hold off. Give me a moment . Let me digest! Literally and figuratively.
It felt to cold and damp to go ahead with a cleanse per se. I had been ignoring a chest cold for maybe 4 weeks and all of a sudden I needed to take care of it NOW or I knew it would get really bad. I followed my craving towards bulking up on greens. Lots of greens and vegetable, and grains. Quinoa, Rice , Barley. I discovered Chia seeds! Big salads and warming soups. An aversion to the yummy rich and sweet foods that just days ago were so delicious and nourishing. I needed herbal teas generously spiced with ginger and cayenne. Herbal chai by the pot steeping away for days until gone. My kombucha love got rekindled and a daily regime…ahhhh. An interesting balance of cooling and alkaline foods heated up with warming spices to move the mucous, the stagnancy out of my body.
I realise looking back that I have integrated some of the Ayurvedic attitudes that I learned last year. I have only barely touched the surface of the depth of knowledge that the Ayurvedic tradition have to share. I am deeply intrigued and love the holistic view of health and our connection to the world.
I did not consciously think Ayurveda besides the habitual check of my tongue. At the back of my mind I noticed excess mucous and lethargy and a heavy mood and a dislike of cold , excess Kapha most of all. I needed to lighten up and to move stuff , Vata, and also to warm up and stimulate digestion on all levels, Pitta
I saw my self emerge with violent coughs and mucus exiting my lungs in projectile style and a lighter mood and not to mention a much more active mind. Oh my there is so much to do. Wooo!!! Aces seemed to lift and my body to soften. I felt like a sprout bursting through on a cheat spring day ready to burst forth in too full bloom. I was gravitating towards slow and deep yoga posses, in particular the heart, lung and hip openers and deep shoulder neck work.
I also discovered the miracle balls and used them to aid in the deep opening to the point of feeling like I’ve gotten a killer Tahi-massage the next day. I love them and highly recommend getting them for self massage and deep yet gentle muscle work.
Suddenly I felt very emotional.
Alas I caught sight of my collage in process. Uhhhh! Maybe there is more that need to incubate in the in the fertile depths. Maybe there is something to realise or to let go of before I am really ready to spring forth towards full bloom . I realised this looking at my unfinished collage and the daunting feeling thinking of finishing it. That feeling a hint that I better get to work on that. Complete that image so that the process may be carried through. Real or imagined it is suddenly of great importance to my emotional wellbeing that I finish that project and I am internally cussing at the fact that I have decided to create a fairly large collage made up of little tiny pieces of paper and cuttings.
Following the lightness, elation and physical cleanse not to mention the softening, the emotions arise. Ughhhh . Discomfort. Urge to retreat and eat greasy comfort foods again . …not notice …basically run . Run from my self. Being with this whilst going about my everyday life… letting it rise and fall. Trying to not let it spill on the children, animals or lovely ladies of the household. Succeeding most of the time. Having good cries in the shower. On walks. In bed. Also laughs and giggles and spurts of pure joy. Fear of all the new, of faliure and maybe even of success. Old thought and feeling patterns surfaced and went on repeat. Some called for reassessment and pondering others I caught and had to re-remember that they hold no truth anymore. They are no more but an habitual neuropathway that I have to give my self credit for is getting much less traffic that it used to.
So the month of January passed and the collage is not yet done. The cough is almost gone. I am still enjoying eating much lighter and alkaline most of the time. Lots of herbal teas. I feel lighter as well as more supple on all levels. I’m not done taking advantage of time to nurture and source from deep within. It is going to be a busy year. I may as well savour this in-between time and by the end of February my guess is that the collage is done as well as the ground in the garden prepped for the early seeds and plants to be planted. All in its own time.